If These Dogs Could Talk

I’m going to share a piece I wrote for my nonfiction class during the fall 2019 semester. The essay highlights the sensitivity I have had around dog barking, the my experiences with the two dogs my family has owned, techniques I’ve used to become less stressed by it, and my current approaches to how I cope with barking. Loud noises are a struggle for me and lots of autistic individuals, and I’m hoping my experiences can help them see that there are ways to get around barking and not be stressed every time the noises happen.

Every morning when I wake up, my Goldendoodle, Nala, runs to greet me with kisses and an affectionate jump. I love seeing her joyful, enthusiastic temperament which puts me in a good mood as I start my day. Every time Nala is in my presence, I feel relaxed because of her calm attitude, and the soft, fluffy sensation I feel when I pet her fur. Spending time with dogs increases your levels of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that calms your nervous system down and lowers your stress. When I feel anxious, I look no further than to spend time with Nala because she is always in a good mood, and will boost my oxytocin to make me feel at ease about anything that stresses me out, especially schoolwork. Whether I am taking her out for a walk, or cuddling next to her on the couch, I feel a sense of peace that no other dog has ever provided me with in my life. Nala has done wonders to make me a relaxed human being, but as I grew up through my childhood into my teenage years, I saw dogs in a different sense.

Sound has been the sense that has always hit me the hardest. My sensory issues are greater than ever, especially with a sound’s intensity, so anything noisy causes my eardrum to vibrate like an earthquake. People are more sensitive to mid-frequency sounds, and perceive them as louder than they are. A sound that is 80 decibels, such as busy traffic (i.e., honking cars) and alarm clocks, to someone without sensory issues generally means that someone of my situation could hear the same sound but at a volume of 100 to 110 decibels. Generally, people who are similar to me regarding auditory hypersensitivity frequently mention a dislike of percussive, changing or unexpected sounds, as well as intense frequencies, including strip-lighting and the hum from computer fans and fridges. Those sounds have not been struggles for me because I hear them so often, but there has been one sound that has played a vital role in how my mood plays out whether I am at home or in public.

Dog barking has a purpose: dogs do not bark to annoy any of us, nor do they bark for spite or revenge. Often, it feels like a dog is barking for no reason at all, but ultimately, they are. Whether they get excited from greeting people, having a run-in with another dog, wanting attention or something to eat, that bark will let you know your dog is trying to tell or show you something. Nala barks to communicate her wants and needs like when she’s hungry or has to go outside. Her barking has not affected me significantly, since goldendoodles are more quiet than other major dog breeds. Despite Nala’s good-natured intentions, my opinion about dogs has not always been positive due to my experiences with other dogs.

Throughout much of my childhood and adolescence, I was not a dog person. I found them to be loud and jumpy and too much of a hassle because of all the work that goes into caring for them. I learned from parents early and often that a dog’s bark is their way of communicating to us, since they cannot talk like humans. They did not want me to feel stressed because domesticated dogs are not out to cause me any harm, and since they love humans, show their affection in a playful and energetic manner. When I was three, I learned about how loud a dog’s bark can be after an encounter with a golden retriever at a playground, where the dog jumped on me and barked in my face. The dog was not the problem; it was the loud bark that my eardrums and I did not appreciate. Afterward, my parents were anxious for me because of how anxious I was in that situation, but they did not want me to feel scared around any dog, since they are not here to terrorize young children, but to provide companionship and support for humans. At the time, my parents wanted me to relax since I was coming off that stressful incident, but they wanted a day where I would not get stressed when I was around a dog and their bark. They wanted me to know that dogs are only trying to communicate to us through their bark, as well as that they do not are not trying to hurt me. I tried to keep that philosophy in mind when we had our first dog, but my stress brought me down the wrong path.

Throughout my childhood, my younger sister, Kathryn, always wanted a puppy. Year after year, she would put a puppy at the top of her Christmas list and do everything in her power to persuade our parents to adopt one. Unfortunately for her, their response was always the same: “A puppy is a huge responsibility. With vet visits and accessories and food purchases, they are costly.” Right before Christmas 2009 when I was 12, my parents and I sat down and explained that they had finally decided to fulfill Kathryn’s wish and get a puppy. She was 10 at the time, and had wanted a puppy since she was four. I was a tad reluctant at first, knowing that this move was going to be a significant change for our family because of all the extra responsibilities to add to our plates. However, I remembered how much fun I had with my cousins’ Maltese, Snowball, playing fetch with her and taking her on walks around their neighborhood. I had been around Snowball several times to know that she did not bark that much, so I felt comfortable being around her when we went to my cousins’ house for parties and events. My attitude toward dogs changed because of Snowball’s playful and calm demeanor, and my sensitivity with barking lessened due to her infrequent barks, along with several of my friends’ dogs that were not big barkers. Thinking about those moments made me realize that a puppy could be fun and tolerable, so I decided to accept the new change.

Before deciding on a puppy, my parents and I decided to do some research on what breed would work out best for our family, primarily from an emotional standpoint. They were more open than me to getting a puppy, since they saw ways we could handle one, especially my mom, since she had a labrador retriever growing up. After looking at several sources, we were most intrigued about the description for the Maltese. We found that Malteses are gentle and fearless and excel at being a therapy dog. Malteses are also extremely hypoallergenic with silky coats that do not shed. We talked to my aunt and cousins about those characteristics with Snowball, and they agreed that she is good-natured, gentle and doesn’t shed. With that in mind, my parents looked online and made a couple of phone calls to breeders and Maltese owners. They ended up finding a Maltese in Connecticut that was too cute to pass up. I saw pictures of the puppy online and I felt it was the perfect match for us. The puppy was male, and we mentioned to Kathryn that if the puppy was a boy, we would name him Brady after the legendary New England Patriots quarterback. On Christmas morning, we did not tell Kathryn that a puppy was on the way, but some of the gifts we put under the tree included a dog bed and a huge plush beagle. Over the next four weeks, my parents and I prepped the house with puppy supplies and stocked the pantry with kibble and bone marrow treats, making sure Kathryn didn’t see anything. Brady joined our family on January 22, 2010.

As we all got adjusted to Brady’s presence, we found him to be playful and full of energy. I enjoyed having him chase me around the house, and I enjoyed running with him outside, as the leaves crunched under my feet. As the weeks went on, I found one attribute of Brady I did not appreciate: his bark. At first I did not find his bark annoying, since he did not bark that much for the first two months we had him. However, as time went on—and the more I heard it—I realized how loud and often he barked was and how much it impacted my ears because of my sensory sensitivity. He barked at everything: when the mail carrier’s truck went up our street, when he heard other dogs in our neighborhood, and when he watched things out the windows, such as the sun and falling leaves. Worst of all, he barked at every single person who walked through the doors of our home. Dogs have incredible hearing, and they can hear up to between 47,000 and 65,000 Hz, whereas an adult human cannot hear sounds above 20,000 Hz. That made sense to why Brady barked so much as he did, since there were times where at one moment it was silent, then all of a sudden, he loudly barked out of the blue, taking me by surprise. His hearing could pick up sounds that I typically couldn’t hear, granted that my powerful hearing, as well. My goal was to become more adaptive to Brady’s barking, and to have less stress and anxiety in the moments where he would go on barking sprees. Unfortunately, it took almost seven years to achieve that goal.

Family gatherings and functions that we hosted took a big toll on my mood because of Brady’s barking. As is the case with many events at homes, people come one after another, not all at once. Brady would go on a barking spree when one group arrived and then he would calm down, only to repeat the process each time someone came to the door. The way Brady behaved during our gatherings caused me to get more stressed and anxious than I should have, especially as I was going through the torment and stress of middle and high school. Especially when I was 16, I would dramatically run away and hide in my room or the basement until he stopped barking, preventing me from spending quality time with our company. Brady was finishing up the puppy stage of his life at that time, so I was hopeful that the barking would take some kind of dive. Unfortunately, that never happened.

There was one barking event that gives me goosebumps each time I think about it. During the summer of 2013, when I was 16, I had a double ear infection and we had our neighbor over to hang out. He was two years younger than me and attended the same high school, and we were very close friends. As usual, Brady barked nonstop when he came over, and with my cold, Brady’s bark sounded as if he was directly next to my ear. He barked for a good five minutes at my neighbor for attention, which was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I yelled at the top of my lungs to tell Brady to shut up, and got emotional due to the stress of the moment, along with my sensitive persona since I was sick. I apologized to my neighbor about my dramatic outburst, and he completely understood since he has a dog of his own. Even though that event happened six years ago, I regret my actions because I could have stayed calm and prevented my meltdown from happening. To this day, whenever we host a function or attend one elsewhere, I have high expectations that any dog barking will be kept to a minimum. These events are a way for me to escape reality for a night and allow me to take time off worrying about school, work or other stressful circumstances in my life.

Brady’s barking was one thing when it came to dampening my mood at family functions, but it was something else when I was doing my homework. When Brady was with us, I was in middle school and high school, as well as the first three years at Worcester State, during which time my work level skyrocketed. It did not matter which room I did my studying or writing in; I could hear Brady’s screeching bark through the openings under the doors and the floorboards. It was as if I was in the same room as him, even though the door would be closed, and I was a floor below. If the weather was nice, I would go outside to work, but I would still hear Brady’s bark even though I was not directly in his presence. Typically, the barks would sound 10 decibels lower when I was outside, so it almost felt as if I was in the same room as him. I did well in school despite everything, with at least an A or B average in each of my classes, but when I did my work at home, he prevented me from completing my work successfully to the fullest extent possible. It was at this point I began to think to myself, “If these dogs could talk, we would not have to guess about what they are trying to tell us.”

After seven years of Brady’s barking impacting my ability to do well in school and relax when we hosted events, my family and I sought the help of a behavioral therapist to help find healthy techniques to reduce my stress and anxiety around the barking. One of the most beneficial strategies I practiced with her was deep breathing. As my therapist showed me, the most effective way to do it is to do a four-second inhale, followed by a four-second hold, then a four-second exhale. We would do around a minute of breathing during our sessions (around five breaths), and I would feel much more relaxed afterward. She would tell me to use the deep breathing technique any time Brady’s bark took a toll on my mood as well as any time a dog stressed me out in public.

Every time I did the deep breathing technique when I got stressed and anxious, I found it worked! I felt more tranquil and relaxed, and moved on without any further stress. I tried other stress-reducing techniques that my therapist recommended, as well as other ones I found from the ADAA. Along with the deep breathing, I especially found that guided imagery and running were strategies that significantly reduced my stress. I would do them anytime I started to feel overwhelmed, instead of letting the frustration build up. As time went on, and I found myself at a better spot in my life. I was less stressed when Brady and other dogs barked, and I found myself more at-ease at family and friend get-togethers. Along with that, my anger and frustration from the barking went down and I had better confidence to handle any of life’s problems, including me being able to focus better on my schoolwork. Although it nearly took seven years, my family and therapist were both proud of the progress that I made toward my ultimate goal of not letting dog barking stress me out and prevent me from having fun with all the important people in my life.

Sadly, we lost Brady on July 30, 2018. It was a very difficult and sudden loss for my family and I since we all cherished him, despite his barking. Throughout Brady’s life, especially in his final two years, we had discussed obedience training to help with the barking, but we never followed through with it. Instead, we used several techniques such as saying “no” when he barked, or sprayed him with water each time his little mouth made noise. Those tactics worked half the time, which is why in the months after Brady passed, my parents talked about how they regretted not having Brady go through more obedience training to help improve his barking. The Humane Society notes that if you are not consistent with stopping your dog from barking, they will continue to do so, regardless of whether it is appropriate or not. Hiring a trainer to help alleviate the barking would have helped us significantly, and I probably would not have been as stressed. Regardless, I’m glad that I got introduced to all of those stress-relieving techniques, and I continue to practice many of them today.

After Brady passed, we all missed having a dog that we could play and cuddle with. To alleviate our grief, we decided to get another puppy to join our family. I was not as hesitant as I was before we got Brady since I knew my parents and Kathryn would do more careful research and find a dog that would bark minimally and be friendly to us. There were several breeds that we came across that were terrific matches, but the description about the goldendoodle stood out the most. Goldendoodles are extremely friendly, and they prefer peace and quiet themselves, meaning they are not big barkers. Along with that, goldendoodles—like Malteses—are hypoallergenic. After researching, we made some phone calls to breeders and found one in Maine that handled goldendoodles. On August 10, 2019, Nala joined our family.

If I do experience overwhelming stress from Nala’s barking, I will follow the same procedure as I did with Brady, using the breathing and other stress-reducing techniques. Getting used to how they all operate has made me aware they will bark from to time. After all, that is how they communicate to us. It can be stressful for a young child who might be sensitive to loud sounds when they first hear a dog’s barking because of its loudness and that the dog is trying to stress them out. They should not feel stressed since a dog is not intending to cause harm and only communicate their needs and desires. Parents should assure their children that dogs are only looking to play, and to give them stress-relieving strategies if they get overwhelmed by the barking. I am very grateful that I am more comfortable around dogs now. I have a more positive outlook because of how I keep my stress-reducing techniques ready to go in case I need to use them. I see Nala as more of a companion than a responsibility because of how friendly and calm she is. Humans need companionship to help them with any anxiety, and I appreciate how God gave us the dog for that very reason.